COOTIES

I've always heard about people who are germaphobic. Don't like hugging, shaking hands, always have Purell on them, but I've never encountered one first hand. I don't consider myself a dirty person, per se, but I'm not overly conscious about picking something up off my floor or making s'mores with a real stick from the ground instead of some metal contraption. I suppose my feeling is that if our species could make it this far, things out in the world can't be THAT bad.

My supervisor at work is germaphobe. Any time someone comes in to work with a slight cough, a stuffy nose or a hoarse voice her first words are "oh-my-gosh-are-you-sick!?!?" as she backs away not so subtly. I have allergies which puts everyone in a tizzy when they act up and this past weekend I lost my voice but was able to convince them that no, it wasn't H1N1 and no, I did not need to go home. When flu season broke out, I walked in on her Purell wiping a pen that a client had just used. She once "snapped" (in a non attitudey way) at me about having put a stack of papers on the bathroom floor while I relieved myself. Still unsure as to where else they were supposed to go. After that, she practically smashed her elbow into the bathroom door to hold it for someone, because touching the handle or door would clearly cause her to contract Hepatitis A. The thing that cracks me up most about people who flush with their foot and use a paper towel to open doors is that they...touch money, open non-bathroom doors normally and, my personal favorite, fly on airplanes. If that isn't a cesspool of potential infestation, I don't know what is.

Anywho, the point is that since I have such a germaphobe supervisor I've started to realize the things I do that most see as unsanitary. You know, the things you do that you think everyone else does but when you mention it you just get these stares of disgust and confusion? For instance, wearing deoderant. I know that isn't a sanitation thing, but I've something I just never added to my daily routine. I've traced it back to the fact that I was a swimmer so whenever I was sweaty, I was in the water and reeked of chlorine whenever I wasn't so body odor really wasn't an issue. Since then, I have learned that when going out or a football game or something it's probably a good idea to put some on.

The most embarrassing, yet normal to me, confession of non sanitary living is that I don't use toilet seat covers. Now, before you go judging me and thinking I've crossed a line, let me explain myself. I never recall being told I was supposed to use them. I'd always see them and be like hmm...this toilet looks clean and dry...and I need to pee...whelp here we go. There have definitely been times when I've looked down and been like NO GO NO GO and I line it with toilet paper if no covers are available, but really? It just adds another step before or after having to unbutton, unzip, lower and sit down. All I really want to do is pee and and the faster I do it the faster I'm no longer sitting on an uncovered toilet seat. How do you even know where the covers came from? Or the paper towels, for that matter? What happens in the factories? I mean, the possibilities are endless for disgusting activities.

If someone is sick, I don't make out with their cup. Or them (just in case you were concerned). If something drops in the dirt or the floor and you can visibly see things on it, I don't eat it. I have limits, I just don't see the need to make your own personal germ bubble. I get sick on occasion but in general I'm a healthy normal person who takes sick pleasure in watching people go out of their way to wash their hands and open a door without making any physical contact with their hands. Perhaps next year it'll be an Olympic sport?